I am Coming Back to South Africa, and Here's Why: (Part Three - The Thrilling Conclusion!)

Where I last left you (again,) we had just found a herd of twenty or thirty elephant. I could have left you with a cliffhanger dealing with them charging us or the vehicle breaking down, and we have to make a run for it on foot, but those would be lies. The danger we were in was handleable (which is not a word, I know.)

Apparently, because they have known them their entire lives, the elephants, and all animals in the park for that matter, understand and know that the vehicles pose no threat to them, and so they ignore them. We got up within twenty or thirty feet from where these elephants crossed the dirt road, and it was incredible to watch. And it’s exactly what you would picture in your head. Elephants of all sizes, from old to young calves, crossing a dirt road in the middle of Africa. It’s serenely majestic. There was no loud clomping of their feet, and if you had your eyes closed, you wouldn’t have know that it happened. That’s why they call the elephants the ‘gray ghost.’ You can be ten or fifteen feet away from an elephant and not know it, if it’s hiding behind a bush. If it’s out in the open, you’re going to know it.

When I was back at school, they had Jeff Corwin, the animal expert, come to speak. His microphone was broken and nobody told him, but that was besides the point. Anyway, one of the stories he told us was that he was filming in the jungles of India, and he kept hearing things, but turned around and didn’t see anything. Eventually, one of the camera guys realized that for the past couple hours, they were being followed by three or four fully grown elephants, and had been circling them the entire time without their knowing. That’s why elephants are in the Big Five. They are very impressive beasts.

After they crossed the road, the elephants kept moving down to a little gulley – all except one, that was still hungry and intrigued by the vehicles. Leon told us that it was just a rebellious teenager that didn’t want to stay with the group. For about twenty minutes, we had an elephant close enough to our vehicle that we could reach out and touch it, but we were told not to do that. And as the elephant kept coming closer, we had to keep moving the car back, because you don’t want the elephant to touch the car, because then they become familiar and complacent with them, and can lead to dangerous events down the road.

There’s a reason why elephants can’t get this close to you in the Bronx Zoo, and that’s because there is an inherent danger, but it’s also because you’re not in a four-wheel drive vehicle with a guy named Leon who knows what he’s doing. You feel completely safe in that scenario. But it was just majestic to sit there and watch this elephant eat. After a while you just want to stop taking photos because you want to watch. I’ve seen elephants before, and they really all do look the same, but it doesn’t matter, and I don’t know why. There’s something different about seeing an elephant on a safari that changes the experience into something that is truly remarkable and special.

After we left the elephant, we drove a while before we found a few giraffes eating, and stopped to watch them for a while because they were pretty close. When you’re doing something like a safari, all you want to hear at some point is that you’re seeing, hearing, or doing something that rarely happens. Something that you can brag about. People always want to see an active kill, which is always random pure luck. Leon tells us that’s what people always want to see, and in the few rare instances where he found one, people in the vehicle just start sobbing hysterically and want to leave. Leon responds that this is what they wanted to see, and that they should keep quiet because he’s trying to take photos.

Anyway, we had our rare moment with the giraffes, and I don’t care how silly or insignificant in may seem, I’ll remember this for a long time, just for the sole reason that it never happens. The giraffe snorted. Giraffes don’t make noises. Leon says that he had not seen that on a game drive in something like three years. We still have no idea why the giraffe snorted, but we don’t care. I heard a giraffe make a noise in the wilds of Africa, and you didn’t. And that’s about all I have to say about that.

Now that we have seen the typical animals of giraffes, elephants, and more zebras than I care to have ever seen, we all wanted to have the big one – a lion. And Leon wants a lion, too because if he finds a lion, that makes everybody in the vehicle very happy.

And there came a point when an opportunity presented itself. About a ten minute drive away from where we were sitting, over the radio, it came over that another vehicle had found a lion with baby cubs. This presents us with a decision to make. And when I say us, I mean whatever Leon wanted to do. We can put the petal to the metal and try to make it over to where the lions are, but we run the risk of the lions walking out of view just before you get there. If we decide not to go, we have relatively fresh lion tracks on the road where we are sitting, so they’re around us somewhere. Either way it’s a risk.

There was one other vehicle with us that wanted to take the chance to try to make it over to the lion before it disappeared. It left, and we stayed, thinking still. After the other vehicle was out of sight, we heard what we in the business call vocalizations. Vocalization is when a lion is roaring, for whatever reason. Sometimes it’s to find out where the rest of the lions in the area are. Sometimes it’s to let other lions in the area know that this is not their territory. To the best of my knowledge, there are five warring families of lions throughout the park. They’re separated by geography, but they can and will get into territorial battles. What Leon told us is that one of the groups is a small pack of three or four year old brothers, and there’s four of them. That’s very rare. Only in Kruger Park is there a greater male dominance pack, and that’s five. It’s rare to have four. What’s expected to happen as the lions mature, is that they get aggressive and will start taking on the other families, and because they are four strong males, they should win frequently. So it’s like some weird kind of soap opera in the middle of Africa. And I’d love to find out what happens.

Anyway, our decision about what to do was made for us when we heard the vocalizations in our area, which were not the same lions that the other group went off to see. We decided that we’d find our own lions. As an interesting side note, as the other vehicle closed in on where the lion was, they were 100 meters away before they lost visual of the lion, and they never saw it. We laughed heartily in our vehicle when the news came over.

But alas, we did not see any lions as we continued driving, nor did we hear the vocalizations anymore. They were gone, or at least behind a bush. On the way back to the lodge, we found one of the three ostriches in the park. I wouldn’t think that finding one would be that difficult because they stick out like a sore thumb in the middle of the savanna. It’s a giant ball of feathers with one stick coming out the top and two underneath. Ostriches, unlike elephants, really are, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. They really do look like dumb flightless birds. But if they want to, they can kill you with one good kick, so like all the other animals, we stayed in the vehicle and took some photos.

Once we got back to the lodge, it was about 9:15, so it was time for breakfast. I’ve searched in vein for Rice Krispies more than once a week on the ship, and I had a nice gigantic bowl this morning. It was great. I also had a nice glass of juice, some bacon, biscuits, and coffee. I’m starting to get into coffee. I used to do lattes, but after I had limbs fall asleep during the day, I decided that I should stop that for a while. I don’t get the same thing with the coffee, yet at least.

From breakfast to 4:30, there’s nothing to do but lunch. It’s the most glorious way to live, and I’ve done it for less than a day at this point. My day consisted of doing a Sudoku on the back of my room/cabana, taking a nap, having lunch, and then taking another nap. And then all of a sudden, it was time for the evening game drive. I don’t normally sleep this much, but let’s not forget that we run ourselves ragged every day of the week, so having a day of catch-up is one of the most glorious things in the world.

A quick health update, I am clearly hydrated better, because while I still felt warm, it was lessened much so. Of the five liter jug that I picked up at the supermarket, I’ve almost reached halfway down through it. And I drank all that because I was thirsty. If I’m not thirsty, drinking water is worse than yanking teeth. As for my cold, I’m taking medicine and am usually able to breath through my nose and hold off a cough. However, because my throat was annihilated with the sore throats I’ve been having, my voice is so deep that I sound like the late Barry White, but without the sexy part. The voice ain’t too sexy right now.

For game drive number three, we rotated to the back of the vehicle, which means that we only barely heard every other word from Leon. There was one goal for the evening game drive: we were going to find lions. Leon’s idea was that because lions don’t move during the day because it’s too hot, he figured that the lions that everyone saw in the morning would be in the same spot, and that once they start moving at or around dusk, we would be there to see them. That was the plan anyway. He’s been doing this a few years longer than we have, so we trusted him.

We were so hell-bent on finding lions that the animals that we saw before we went over to where the lions were, just seemed second-rate. I mean kubus are fun and all, but they’re not lions. Before we went over, we stopped another one of those fenced in areas so we could look for hippos and the guides could all have a smoke. While we were waiting for the sun to go down, it went down spectacularly. African sunsets are like nothing else. It’s bigger and better in Africa. I’m not sure exactly what was different, but it was.

While we’re waiting in these pit stops, they have small little snacks for us, just to hold us over to the next meal. The snacks were always barbecue potato chips and some weird kind of beef jerky/rawhide thing. I ate the potato chips, and I don’t normally eat potato chips. 8 for dinner is late for me. And they weren’t that bad. Probably because it’s been so long since I’ve had them. Also at the pit stop, the group discussed something called a Gas Chamber. But more on that later.

After leaving, we went over to the area where the lions were supposed to be, and waited. And waited. This is the part of the safari that some people don’t like, and other people love. This is the thrill of the hunt part. Sitting, and waiting for the lions to show themselves, or at least try to see them. We moved very little over the course of an hour. But we did hear the vocalizations again, and that’s why we stayed.

As the night moved on, and I think none of the other vehicles were finding much of anything, they all started to migrate towards where we were. In addition to the vehicles from our game lodge, other vehicles from other game lodges started to nose their way through. Our vehicle held nine. These big ‘cattle wranglers’ held up to twenty. They’re too big to be enjoyed. And they kept getting in the way. And Leon cursed under his breath every time it happened.

So we’re sitting there, and nothing is going on, and it’s past 7:30, and then further up the road, one of the vehicles says that they see a lion, but by the time our searchlight swings around, and my head swings around, I see what may have been a lion, for about a half second. Then whatever it was ducked away. There was a lion in the area, and we heard it, and think we saw it, but that’s still speculative at this point. So now all the other vehicles moved down because they think it moved down because they heard more vocalization. What Leon discerned was that it was another lion and the one we think we saw should still be in the area.

I’m sure that the lion that we think we might have seen was still in the area. But we waited for another half hour, past the start of dinner even, and we saw and heard nothing. There was rampant disappointment because we had gotten so close. The feeling of dejectedness on the way back would only be turned into a greater hunger for the next drive.

When we got back to the lodge, Leon suggested that we should get an earlier start out in the morning if we want to increase our chances of seeing animals and specifically lions. He thinks at 6am departure this morning was too late, so he’d give us a wake-up call at 5 and whenever we all get down there, we’d leave as soon as possible. This puts tremendous pressure on us to not be the last person that everyone is waiting for, and Leon knows that. He wants to get out there just as much as we do. That’s called having a good guide. Because it’s him that wakes up early, too. He’s got to be at the lodge and ready to go at 5 to make the wake-up calls. But it’s not like he has a commute. He and his wife live a minute or two’s drive off the reserve. His wife works for the lodge as the person in charge of food and beverages. We liked her immediately because we get fed good food here.

We were the last vehicle back, so we assumed that dinner was going to be inside where it normally is, but it was empty and there was nobody there. We guessed that everyone went back to their rooms to freshen up before dinner is served, whenever that was. We started walking back to our rooms before we double-checked with one of the attendants and they told us that dinner was being served in the boma. They put on confused faces, like we’d have to dress up to dinner and come in the boma, whatever that means. But, because of my extensive preparation, and viewing of Survivor: Africa, I knew that a boma was a thicketed enclosure used by local tribes to keep the animals out of their encampments after nightfall. We didn’t know there was a boma here because it’s hidden around one corner of the lodge, so we had to take a path over there, and when we got there, I was very impressed with the set up.

There was a big bon fire in the middle (of yes, a wooded enclosure) with nice tables set all around with the standard silverware and stemware. It was like they moved everything from the inside to the outside, which is exactly what I think they did. It’s a very nice atmosphere, until the wind moves and the ash, smoke, and heat from the fire blows over. But, one thing that I did learn from my time as a Boy Scout, as brief as it was, when you move to get away from that around a campfire, it always moves with you, and it’s best to just sit and wait for it to move by itself.

The trip leader for our safari is Beth, the Student Life Director for the ship, and she filled us in on the events of the first night we had in South Africa, and why she looked so panicked on the phone when we came back on the ship (for a refresher of the reference I just made, please refer back to the post entitled ‘I am Coming Back to South Africa, and Here’s Why: (Part One)). Three major events happened. One guy was on a side street of the hopping Long Street on the phone with his mom. He didn’t have anyone around him, and was standing there alone. The smarter ones of you reading this can already see the trouble coming a mile away. As he was on the phone with his mom, he was assaulted, mugged and then dragged behind the getaway vehicle by his kneecaps. Not good. And can you imagine being the mother on the other end of the line?

The subsequent chain of events was that his mother on the other end immediately called Semester at Sea in the states, then directed her to the ship, and the ship called local police to find him. And they found him, still laying on the ground where the car left him. He was taken to the hospital and will probably have to spend the next two weeks in a wheelchair, meaning that he probably won’t be able to leave the ship in Mauritius.

The second major event was that a group went out to one of the bars, and then lost one of the people in their group, and they couldn’t find her. They called the ship, and also had the local police scouring the bars and other places in town looking for this girl. Just before sunrise, they found her, still trying to look for her group, I believe. I’m not sure on all the details in these stories, but they’re pretty close, if not very accurate based on Beth’s account.

The scariest event was the third event. As we were leaving the ship earlier in the evening, we passed by a girl that needed two people to help her walk down the jetty to the ship, as she was too drunk to walk under her own power. As time went on, she became worse, and there was something wrong. Later, the doctor told us that there’s some kind of scale that medical professionals use concerning the eye of a patient. It’s called the glass something, where above a ten is normal, a six or seven is getting dangerous, a five needs life support, and a three is on the cusp of death. This girl was a four. The doc said that he’s never had a patient so close to death in all the time he’s been doing this. They rushed her to the emergency room on life support and pumped her stomach for alcohol poisoning. She made it. And that’s something you don’t wish on your worst enemy. Long story short, Beth had a long, and rough night, and was just thrilled to be on a safari and not on duty.

After dinner, one of the other guides decided to have a ‘party’ at the bar. So, as college students do, they joined in. And this is where the Gas Chamber I told you about earlier comes in. The younger readers of the blog can skip the remainder of this paragraph, because they don’t need to be reading it. For everyone else, get a load of this!: A Gas Chamber is a bizarre drink. You fill a double shot with sambuca (which is a lovely bright green) and pour it into a wine glass. You rotate the glass to coat the interior of the walls, and then light it on fire. Then you put it out, pour the liquid back into the shot glass and immediately turn the wine glass upside down on a plate to trap in all the vapor. You take the shot and stick a straw under the wine glass and suck in the alcohol vapor. Leon did one of these, and his chest was burning for about a half hour afterwards. Only three other guys did one, but we all enjoyed watching them. It may be the most bizarre drink I’ve ever seen. And will never do one.

After the entertainment started to die down, and the drunks started to take over the bar, I decided it would be a good time to go to bed. We were getting up 5, after all.

I awoke to the third day of my safari in what I will call a groggy fashion. When I picked up the phone from Leon’s call, I don’t think my voice could have been deeper. I moved as fast as I could to get ready, but with all the cough drops I had to gather and medicine I wanted to take, I arrived down at the vehicle only ahead of one other person. I didn’t think I took that long, and I didn’t – everybody else was up already when Leon called because they didn’t want to be rushed because they take a while longer to get ready. At least I wasn’t last.

I also made sure that I had a hold of a blanket. And I had it on. Forget trying to look tough, we were all in blankets, and I even had a hoodie on, with the hood up and tied on. I had to tie it on to cover my ears because they do get that cold. But by the end of the drive, it’s heated up enough to be able to go without it.

You would think that because we got the early start, that we would see more animals, especially the early risers. I don’t think we saw an animal for the first 45 minutes. This prompted Leon to say a line that I’ll remember, because it’s sort of like hearing a giraffe snort. He said that, “it hasn’t been this bad since [he] was a junior ranger.” And that was at least three years ago! What’s wrong with me! It has to be me.

Still, we’re on the prowl for lions, and only mildly caring about the other animals that we see. We saw a lovely white rhino with her calf. The way these things grow in size is unbelievable. By the way, if you’d like to know the difference between the white and black rhino, other than me telling you that the black rhinos tend to hide in the underbrush and are much more aggressive, you know what to do, look it up.

Then word came across that another nearby vehicle found two lions lying in the sun, and they were just barely visible. So, we jutted over to where they were, and found that they were both lying flat on the ground, and if you were just in the right spot, you’d notice the ear of one of them every once in a while. Leon, who seemed to be much more versed than the other guides at least, said that we should stick around because as the temperatures rose, the lions are going to want to move into the shade. And much like a billiard shot, he called the bush that they should move to lie under. And then it became an uncertain guessing game, similar but different to the one we played the night before in a separate area of the park.

We were in the territory of the four brothers, and at the time, we believed that we had found one of the brothers and a female. Because the brothers are so young still, they don’t have a well developed mane, and, I don’t want to say that they look girly, but you have to look to distinguish them.

About a half hour later, one of them perked up. This is what we saw: one lion got up and moved to the bush Leon said they would, then about a minute later, we saw the other lion get up and walk the same twenty feet over to the same bush. And that was it. We finally saw lions, and they didn’t exactly thrill me, or anyone else in the vehicle for that matter. The running joke in the vehicle become, “So Leon, when are you going to show us the real lions?” And he looked back at us with a look on his face every time, and it became quite funny.

On the way back to the lodge (yes, this drive was that uneventful) we found a herd of giraffe. Just like zebras are called dazzles in a group, a group of giraffes is called a kaleidoscope of giraffe. I kid you not. Leon told us two other names, but I forgot them once he said kaleidoscope. We were in an area where there had to be over twenty giraffes scattered about, and slowly, one by one moving across the road. Just like all the other animals in the park, they walk up to the road and run across it like they’re hot coals. Giraffes, apparently unlike lions, are fun to watch move. They just look so bizarre, and there’s nothing else on Earth that looks like them, making them seem and feel just that much more exotic.

After breakfast, I had a lovely nap, and when I woke up, it was lunchtime. I tell you, this is the best way to do a trip. Plenty of free time to catch up on sleep and then activities programmed already for me. A bunch of people in our group thought that the drives were not that exciting enough I guess, or that they didn’t already spend enough money, and wanted to go to an exotic animal park called Predator Park, where they cold ride lions or play with lion cubs. That sounds like fun, don’t get me wrong, but I’m here to be on a safari, and I’m enjoying it too much to miss a drive. There are some things that I’m willing to take a break from for a while, and right now, this trip isn’t one of them.

After lunch, most of our group sat around and chatted. Then Leon came over and we talked with him for a while. Of which, portions of the conversation are interspersed throughout these blog entries already. After a while we realized that we were almost all assembled and that we should not bother waiting and just head out already. We tried to find the two people that we were missing, but then realized that they were on the Predator Park trip, which was getting back late now. That annoyed us and Leon to pieces now because we have to make a decision. Do we leave them, or do we wait indefinitely for them. By the time the seven of us were in the vehicle ready to make a decision, it was about 4:15, and we decided that we would leave without them because they can join another vehicle.

As we were about to enter the game reserve, Leon looks down the driveway and sees a van pulling up, so we decide to wait and see who it is, and wouldn’t you know, it was them. But they didn’t want to just get in and go, they wanted to drop their stuff off, delaying us further. If looks could kill, when they got back on the vehicle, they would have been dead many times over.

For our final night drive, sad isn’t it?, my row was in the front row, and we had another game plan. We knew where the lions were when we left them. If we get there before it starts cooling off too much, we should see them get up and decently move around.

But because it’s not nearly sunset yet, we get to drive around and try to find the three missing members of our big five: black rhino, leopard, and water buffalo, none of which any vehicle have seen yet, so the odds aren’t in our favor. Like the road is diseased, we found a pack of kubus, I don’t know what a group of them is called, and had never really heard of a kubu before this safari, to be honest with you. I’m not even entirely sure if I’m spelling their name right, but that’s how it sounds, it’s like a kooo-boooo. Anyway, they ran across the road, too.

Something else our group really wanted to see, that other groups had, was baboons. I don’t know if they classify as monkeys, but they could pass for one if you were in second grade. And we found baboons, with larks flying overhead, which looked really cool as they let the updrafts carry them further up.

And just because every theory has some kind of exception, the baboons had no issues crossing the road and went across at the exact same speed as they walked in the grasses. Who knew baboons would be the exception to the rule? But baboons walking around are fun. We couldn’t count how many there were, because they were just everywhere. Back at our preport meetings, they told us not to get too close to baboons because they will rip your intestines out. I asked Leon if this was true, and he looked at me like I sprouted a third head. It’s not true and he has no idea where that came from. After the baboons, and our pit stop for potato chips, we were off to find some lions.

So we get back to exactly where we were in the morning, and try to see if the lions were where we left them. We found the bush, and because the grass is high, you really can’t tell if they’re there or not. So we sat and waited. We waited for about fifteen minutes until we notice a lot of people heading over to a nearby pit stop, one that we didn’t just stop at. So Leon gets on the radio, and drive us over, and tells us that there’s three lions down by the water. They have a structure built where we can safely walk out and peek across the water at the lions. They were on the other side of the water, and while they weren’t immobile, all they were really doing was looking up every once in a while and rolling over. One of the cattle rancher trucks was there with us, so the place was full but, like the Americans that we are, we slowly worked our way to the front so that we could have a looksie.

After a while, the cattle ranchers left and we had the place to ourselves, and after nothing happened for a while, we were getting ready to leave, and then they started milling around with each other. Then it became cool. Because the zoom they make on standard digital cameras isn’t made for safaris, the photos that I have only came out to be alright, but the lions walking around made up for that. Leon was in there with us, and after the lions started walking up towards the road, he rushed us out of there and back into the vehicle. When your safari guide chases you back into your vehicle, there’s a reason why, and you do it.

Leon knew, somehow, that the lions were going to come up the hill, and cross the road that we were on. And the lions slowly moved up to do that. We had one opportunity to take a photo of the three lions crossing the road, and about the best warning we could have, and none of us got a half decent photo because the sun had set since the last photo we took, and our cameras were not readily adjusted for the night. But, I saw three lions cross a road. We tried to get around the patch they were crossing to the road on the other side, but we lost them along the way. Leon asked if we were satisfied, and we said that we were, so we departed.

Once we got back, we had dinner in the lovely boma again, and we had a relaxing evening. A bunch of us weren’t really in the mood to hang out at the bar again, so we went back to the rooms some time after dinner. When I arrived back at the room, I had a lovely little surprise. We have mosquito netting around the beds in our rooms, and on the inside of the mosquito netting, on my side of the room, was a scorpion. Yes, I haven’t seen one of those in the wild since my time in Nicaragua, which is another story entirely. As I stared at it, trying to think of the best way to get it out, my roommate, Joe, the videographer, came in the room. We figured that if one of us held a flat surface, and the other a glass, we should be able to get it in the glass safely. So we did, and it worked. And that little scorpion in the glass was annoyed. He was desperately trying to get out, but it was too slippery for him to get a grip on the wall. Joe took it back out to the group to show around. I went to bed.

I would say the following day was the best of times, was the worst of times. And no, I’m not going to tell you which one it was (FYI – that’s a Cheers joke).

Our departure in the morning was 6, because Leon had to lock up the lodge late last night. Right before I leave the room in the morning to walk down, I hear lion vocalization as I’m in the threshold of the door. It’s not close, but it’s nearby. I had a very quick and brisk walk over to the lodge, which is about 100 meters away. I don’t like to wake up to a lion attack in the morning. There are other ways that I’d rather wake up.

Once I got to the lodge, the guides said that there was a lion right out in front of the lodge, on the other side of the protective fence that probably wouldn’t stop it if the lion was ravenously hungry. We piled into the vehicle and shoved off, not really sure what we’re looking for, and being very sentimental about being on our last drive. The drive would be shorter because of the departure time out of the lodge that we had. We were due back by 7:45 for a 9 bus departure.

About less than ten minutes into the drive, we hit paydirt and find a black rhino and her baby calf, being number three on the Big Five check-off sheet. I still didn’t know the difference in the rhinos. But we waited for them to try to come closer, and after a while, they moved towards us a little bit, but then they turned around once they realized that we weren’t anybody important, and then they were gone, and we moved on.

After driving around for a little while, there was a report of vocalization somewhere near the entrance of the park. No visuals yet. So, we turned around and drove back in that direction. As we came up over the crest of one hill, about 200 meters away in the middle of the road is the biggest lion in the park. Lions don’t get to be very old. 10 is old and 12 is ancient. This lion, being the oldest in the park is 7, and is built like a tank. And then it all became crystal clear – I realized what the subtle difference was in these animals, and all the ones I’ve seen before at the Bronx Zoo. Leon tells us that these lions aren’t like the ones in the zoos because at zoos they’re fed their food and they don’t have to work for it. Their bulk is all fat without much muscle. Out here, they are all muscle and have virtually no body fat. This lion was incredible, and as we drove closer, it slowly meandered off to the side of the road. I have a lovely half-focused photo of it walking away that semi-resembles the photo someone in Roswell would take of a UFO, except better. This lion had a full mane, and was absolutely beautiful. It’s the kind of lion you look at and say, ‘they don’t make them like that anymore.’

No sooner did Leon get on the radio to tell the other vehicles in the area what we found did the lion go behind a bush and disappear for good. As soon as we had the chance to see it, and burn it into our heads, it was gone. Unbelievable. I won’t forget that. It gives us bragging rights. We were one of two vehicles to find the black rhino, and we found the biggest, fiercest, and most unbelievable lion in the entire reserve. It makes you feel good.

We had about 45 minutes before we were supposed to be back at the lodge, but Leon turned around to us and said that we could drive around for that long and not see anything, or end on this great high note. We ended on the high note and ended our safari in probably the best way that you can do it.

Once we got back, we grabbed breakfast, and sat down at a table with Leon. He told us that he doesn’t plan to be with the lodge through the end of the year, and that he wants to open his own, smaller lodge with only ten beds. He’d be the guide, and his wife would be the food and beverages there, too. This brings up a question that everyone in our group had, how do we find Leon? He gave us his Email address – problem solved.

I know that I will go on another safari sometime in my lifetime. I thought the safari at Pilanesberg was phenomenal, but I’m not going to go back there, I’m going to go wherever Leon is because he’s the reason why all of us in his vehicle had such a fantastic time.

I went back to the room and packed up, and as we stood ready to board the bus, a bunch of us had a weird feeling. It’s similar to the feeling that you have when you leave your fourth grade teacher. You get sentimental and you don’t want to go because you’ve enjoyed the experience so much. And you get that odd feeling in the pit of your stomach that doesn’t want you to go, but as always, life keeps on moving, and you with it.

Now that the safari is over, and I can look back on it, I can say with supreme confidence, that it was the best trip that I have ever taken in my life. It wasn’t the funniest, the most expensive, or the most remote. It was the most exhilarating, exciting, breathtaking, emotionally moving experience that I have ever had in my life. I wouldn’t trade anything for the past few days that I have had. It’s difficult to put into words the exact feelings I have, but I think you’ve got the gist now.

The bus ride to the airport had us on a tight schedule. The flight was scheduled to depart at 12:10, and we were only arriving at the airport around 11:30. We left the lodge around 9 for about a two and a half hour bus ride. If we hit traffic, we’re in trouble. I didn’t sleep on the bus ride, even though I sort of tried. It’s not everyday you can look out a window and see Africa whipping by, after all. I kind of like watching that.

I know that the route that we took in was about two and a half hours, and I was semi-familiar with the route, and after a while, it became apparent that the bus driver was taking a different route. On the way up, we took major roadways and didn’t hit any other cities. All of a sudden, I look around, and we’re in Pretoria, the capital of South Africa. And it’s coming up on the noontime rush hour. And we hit traffic. And I have no idea why the bus driver decided to go this way. And I was annoyed.

I get a little more tense than I should in some situations. Airport travel at large it happens, because, as you know, I’m not the best flier. We arrived at the airport at 11:35 and went in to the kulula.com counter, which discouraged me greatly. I didn’t want to get back into the flying green tin can again. I wasn’t looking forward to that. For some reason, because we were a group, we had to check in at the British Airways stand, even though we weren’t flying on British Airways.

When we got there, a lady collected all our passports and went off with them, which made me very uncomfortable. I like to be in charge of my passport. If that gets lost, there’s going to be great issues. Once she came back with the first group of boarding passes printed, I got lucky and was one of the first ones to get my passport back. Other people who got their passes were waiting around, and I tried to get everyone moving to security because departure was scheduled for 20 minutes away, and I think they close the doors some time before departure, so standing around at the ticket counter is not a good idea.

We go through security and get down to the gate and stand in line to board the plane. We’re there for about a minute before I realize that the line isn’t moving and nobody has boarded the plane yet. I guessed that we were delayed, and I was correct. But they didn’t tell us that for another half-hour, announcing that the flight’s departure would be delayed an hour after the initial departure time.

Some people went off to eat, but for some reason I wasn’t hungry. Oh wait, I remember why now. They came out and told us that they were waiting for a new seal on the door so that the plane could be pressurized. There are worse things to be wrong with the plane, but that’s not one of the fun ones. I want to hear that a seat back is broken. And then there’s the people that say, “hey, at least they’re fixing it.” And I glare at them.

Then they come out and tell us that the flight is delayed indefinitely until they fix the aircraft. Once it’s fixed, we should be able to board. Normally, I’d be a little less anxious, but there’s something nagging in the back of my head: my ferry trip to Robben Island leaves at 5, it’s a two hour plane flight back to Cape Town, and I’m looking at the delay increasing, and seeing my window of opportunity close rapidly. I figure if we leave by 2:20, I should still be able to make it.

1:30 rolls around, and still nothing has gone on, and we haven’t heard anything. Just before 2, they gathered us in a group and told us that they’re moving us to a British Airways flight into Cape Town. You’d think this would make me feel better, but it did so only marginally. I still wasn’t back in Cape Town for my ferry ride yet.

They exchanged our boarding passes for kulula.com and gave us British Airways passes. I went towards the front of the line, and as we went onto the bus to take us out to the plane, they gave us a R250 voucher for kulula.com, which is redeemable at a US value of about $35, only on kulula.com, within the next six months. Needless to say, I will not redeem that voucher for another flight on the flying green tin can. Sayonara, kulula.com!

We were taken out to the plane and when we boarded, my seat was in the very back left of the airplane. It’s a good thing I’m not claustrophobic, because I wasn’t near the end of the plane, I was in the end of the plane, the ass of the plane, if you will. It’s that far back. And it’s a little on the uncomfortable side when the seat in front of you is leaning back all the way and my seat can’t recline at all because there’s a wall behind me. I almost had enough room to reach into my pocket.

It was going to take one more bus ride to fill up the rest of the plane, and as I sat there waiting for it, the bundle of nerves in me grew, and I don’t know why. For some reason, beyond the Robben Island stuff, I was more nervous, and I’m not sure why, but sitting there on the plane was not helping me.

I expected the other bus to pull up shortly. It came 45 minutes later. Apparently there was some trouble with some people’s tickets. It was about 3 when we took off from the ground, and it seemed like we used an awful lot of runway to do it, too. Maybe it was just my imagination, or the fact that we were on an older plane again, although not as old as the kulula.com flight.

And then it happened, as we were climbing in altitude, I was looking out the window because there really is nothing else to do in that part of the plane, and I saw them. It was from the air, but it was very clear that I found the Orlando Cooling Towers I had painfully searched for when we arrived in Joburg. That was the best part of the day since we left the safari. Because the day rapidly went downhill after leaving the safari, I officially ended the trip when we left, just so all this mess doesn’t get associated with my trip.

I was interested to see what Africa looked like from above because I couldn’t see from the flight out. It’s brown and blank with very few exceptions. There’s some very straight roadways that cut through and large circles appearing every so often, especially around rivers. I’m guessing these were farming areas and they’re irrigated with a radial sprinkler. Or it’s the aliens. One of the two, I’m not sure which.

By the time landed, it was 5, and I had already succumb to the fact that I missed my ferry to Robben Island, making this the third failed attempt. When you failat something three times, where you would think a success would be easy the first time, that’s a sign. I don’t know what it’s a sign of yet, but something or somebody doesn’t want me to get to Robben Island on this trip. So, it’ll be first on my list of things to do when I come back, which I already know that I have to do. It’s too great of a country to visit once.

After I waited ten minutes in my seat for the plane to empty, I got out and hopped on another bus to take us back to the terminal. Once we got back to the terminal, we worked our way through to out front and waited for our bus to pick us up. The guide we have from the travel agency who’s been with us the entire time, the one who loves to tell jokes that scare us, who didn’t do anything at the safari besides sleep and eat, who is now on the spot to find our driver, can’t find the bus. One of the few real jobs that he has on this trip, and he can’t do it. To me, that’s an issue.

Here’s where the story starts to get good (as if it’s not already enthralling.) As we are waiting outside, the Kruger safari group comes outside to find their bus. We’ve been waiting for about twenty to thirty minutes at this point already, and our guide has disappeared and can’t even reach the bus company, which makes no sense to me at all, no matter how much I think about it. How can you not reach the bus company?

Anyway, we see two buses pull up, and rightly assume that they’re ours. Nope, they’re for the Kruger people. And the normal thinking individual would also assume that since we’ve been waiting as long as we have, they would let us on to one of the buses, since we only fill up ¾ of one bus. And if you thought like that, you would be wrong. The Kruger group wouldn’t let us on their buses because they wanted to get back. And some of the people on the trip had the audacity to say that their bus ride to the airport lasted three and a half hours. Even after we tell our story thus far, they were incredibly unsympathetic.

As the two Kruger buses rolled away, and there was still no sign of our guide, or our buses, people started hiring taxis to drive them back to the ship. I debated doing that, but we couldn’t find any drivers to negotiate a half-decent price back. It was a good drive and we were running low on Rand. Then tragedy struck again, as the Thornybush safari flight arrived back and joined what was left of us standing outside the airport. About ten minutes later, an hour after we came outside the airport, two buses pull up, and our guide magically returns, thinking these are our buses.

The argument that ensued would have been entertaining if we were not all so annoyed, tired, and hot. The bus drivers didn’t even know who they were supposed to pick up, which confuses me greatly how the Thornybush trip claimed it as their own. I think it’s because the Field Director, Lynn, was on that trip, and she’s really a (I edited this part out because this is a friendly blog.) Don’t shoot the messenger, that’s secondhand information. (If you’d like to know more about the edited portions of my blog, ask me, I’ll be glad to tell you.)

Anyway, those two bused had six empty seats on them, and it was a big to-do that they were going to let six of us on. I had been talking the whole day that I was supposed to meet my friends for dinner at 8, and it was already 6 by now, so everyone wanted me to go and I did. I sat with Rachel from Seattle and goes to Boise State, and she told me about the Thornybush trip. They apparently found all five Big Five and the lions weren’t nearly as elusive as they were with us. Actually, as time went on, I learned that most safaris saw more animals than we did, but they all had trackers, and as I discussed earlier, I consider that cheating, so I disqualified all of them. It also sounded like nobody distinguished the white from the black rhino, so I think I have a leg up on that one. Nobody could answer the question of white or black, and there’s much more white rhino.

Arriving back at the ship, which is a sight for sore eyes after today, you would think that the trip would be over. But no, because all the other safaris arrived back before I did, since I sat at the back of the bus, the line stretched about half of the ship to get back on, and all bags have to be searched, greatly lengthening the process. I stood on line from 6:40 to 7:45. This is one of those days where you just want to go to bed so that you can start fresh again tomorrow. I was beat when I got back on the ship. There’s a reason why when all travel goes well, it’s easy, and when it doesn’t, it lives up to its name of the rigors and stresses of travel.

When I got back to my door, there was a note there waiting for me. It was from my friends saying that they were out at dinner already and that I should meet them later for drinks. Well, that’s all well and good, but dinner ended at 7:30, so I scrounged out a dinner up on deck 7. I haven’t had pizza in a long time, which is the opposite of my diet back at school. It was alright. It’s not as good as the stuff we have back home. There’s a reason why the New York area is known for its pizza – it’s good.

After I ate, showered, and called home, it was almost nine, and it prepared to tell my day’s story over and over again, which I did. I get better with repetition. By the end of the night, I could tell that story really, really well. It’s harder to do here in the blog because you don’t get my wonderful facial expressions and voice inflections.

We ended up going to an outdoor bar with a bad karaoke singer singing all night. He really wasn’t very good, and made my orange Fanta somewhat less enjoyable. But it was an alright attempt to relax after the long and winding day that I had today. I was ready for bed, especially considering what I was doing the next day.

When I got up, I made sure that I took note of how well my limbs worked. That would be important for the day. And I was up at 6. I have yet to be in South Africa and sleep past 6. I’m not complaining about that, it’s more Africa that I get to see, but it wears you down after a while. But I think that I still had one more day in me. I hoped I had one more day in me, at least.

After breakfast, which they set out early especially for us, I went over to the Union. Most trips have at least 20 or so people on them. There were supposed to be 18, and there were only 11. That’s okay though, because the smaller trips are the ones where you can get to know people, and there’s not hordes and hordes of people around you.

The trip I was going on was River Rafting on the Breede River. I’ve never been river rafting before, and I figured that if I’m going to start somewhere, South Africa is as good a place as any. The rapids aren’t supposed to require any experience, then again, my first kayaking trip in Puerto Rico was supposed to require no experience as well, and that turned out to be an incredible amount of paddling in the rough Atlantic Ocean. So, while I went in with a bit of trepidation, I was hopeful that I’d be alright and good to go.

When we boarded the bus, we headed off into the far mountains that dotted the landscape to our north (I believe). When I say we drove through the mountains, these mountains are impressive. We went up and over these colossal mountains that had great views. I’m a geology guy, so obviously, the first thing I see if the crustal uplifts, depositional layers, and erosional surfaces. But that’s just me. Once we were over the mountains, we drove through a small valley between two towering sides of mountains. Obviously, this is where the river comes from. It really was very impressive to see. And I could have slept like the rest of the bus and missed it. A word of the wise to future voyagers – never sleep on a bus. You never know what you’re going to see.

We arrived at the bank of the Breede River, and the tour guide that we had took us over to the rafting company that would be taking us down. Normally the tour guides would meet us down there, but our tour guide, Sean, likes going down the river with the Semester at Sea groups. It also makes it 12, a nice round number, so that we could pair up to be in two person inflatable rafts.

They also had breakfast laid out for us, which I ate again, figuring it was a sign that I should be eating and drinking as much as I can for the forthcoming journey down the river. This is where we all applied all our bug spray and sun tan lotion. Place your bets now at the one spot that I missed. I’ll let you know later on when I notice.

They sat us down for the safety briefing and first told us that the temperature would be between 95 and 100 degrees. Throughout the day, it never felt that bad. That’s because back home when it’s that temperature, there’s always a lot of humidity accompanying it. There’s no humidity anywhere in South Africa. It’s unbelievable. It was 100 degrees, and I felt fine. That’s also probably because I had worked hard to hydrate myself over the past few days.

As the safety stuff went on, they showed us how to paddle, which was similar but slightly different from a kayak, and then they showed us how they would alert us to upcoming obstacles. The person in front would raise her paddle in at least eight different positions, and each one meant something different. I couldn’t remember the first one after we got to the third. She had her paddle in the air in every which direction and angle, and I couldn’t keep up. But I figured that I would be able to follow the raft in front of me in most cases. That’s the logic anyway.

After the safety stuff, the partner selection began. Anytime I’m in a scenario when partners have to be picked, by the time I turn around, everyone’s already talking to the person next to them, and I’m standing there bumbling. I could be with a group of people I know, and they always just forget about me. I think it’s a consistent run of bad luck, but I’m not luckologist, I don’t know. But, as a consolation for not finding a partner in a third of a second, I was partnered up with Sean, the tour guide. Normally, this would seem like a bad thing, but he rafts this river four times a year, and has for the past nine or ten years. So he knows what he’s doing, and can make up for anything that I don’t know how to do.

Then we shoved off into the river, and downward we went. I don’t want to give you the wrong impression – this isn’t all whitewater the whole way down. It’s mostly calm with a bunch of whitewater rapids interspersed throughout. But for someone like me who has yet to go river rafting at all, it was well intense enough for me.

On the way down the river, Sean was socializing unlike anyone I think I have ever seen before in my life. And the memory that he has is really quite impressive. If you told him your full name and hometown once, he would remember it for the rest of the day, and bring it up frequently. It was quite impressive. But what he would do is swing our raft around so that we’re no paddling backwards so that we could talk to the other rafts, which, of the six, were predominantly female, so it wasn’t that bad. But it was clear that this was something that Sean was very used to doing, and enjoyed at that.

He also loved talking about the other SAS trip that had come earlier in the week for rafting and an overnight. He said they built a tower out of the rafts and stood on top of them to sing Bohemian Rhapsody. So, for the rest of the entire day, he and I painfully tried to remember the lyrics to that really long song. There would be periods of silence (albeit brief with Sean behind me) where out of the blue, we would break out into song, starting, “Mama, just killed a man.” And after a while, the way he said was just so odd and off that I started cracking up. Just look at the situation: I’ve got a grown South African tour guide behind me in a bright yellow inflatable raft, on the Breede River, singing off-key to Bohemian Rhapsody, not remembering more than a few lines of lyrics. It’s funny stuff!

As if that wasn’t enough, something he loved to talk about was the Garden Gnome Liberation Movement. Please go look for this on-line, I haven’t had the opportunity yet, but it sounds like the most bizarre thing I have ever heard in my life. Apparently garden gnomes are seeking to be liberated across the globe, and Sean went at length about things that I don’t remember because I was laughing so hard through it. I had an idea to try to throw him for a loop, and I asked him who the leader of the movement was. Without missing a beat, he gave the name of the person, and then went into the whole story about he’s being held prisoner in a French prison, which is the center of the movement. I mean, this may just be the most bizarre thing I have ever heard in my entire life! Wacky doesn’t even begin to describe this stuff.

Anyway, that stuff was all interspersed throughout the rafting trip, but towards the beginning was the first big rapid. They gave us complicated instructions about how to paddle, and when, and where, and as usual, I couldn’t remember any of it. Thankfully, I had Sean behind me who was giving instruction as we were going down. So, we go down the rapid, and we do really well, and I stay in my seat – until the last bump, which sent the front of the raft into the air, and me off of my seat. It was less than a second after the photo below, you can already see me starting to be sent backwards.

After a couple more rapids and a weird trip down a small, man-made dam, we stopped on the riverbank for lunch, which they set up on the underside of one of the rafts. All things considered, it was a decent lunch. Now that we stopped moving, you could really feel the sun beating down on us. This is at the same latitude as Florida in the Northern Hemisphere, so we’re really taking on some nice heat here.

After lunch, we had a leisurely stroll down the river for most of the afternoon, only pausing to pound down some more water. We arrived at the ending grassy area about an hour and a half early, which happens more with the smaller groups, as the larger ones take longer. It was a relief to be over, because I was getting tired towards the end there, but I think that was compounded with the previous six days that I’ve had in Africa, too.

All that remains in Africa, is to get back to the ship. We were back at 5:15, and I said my goodbye to the African land, as I boarded our ship. In case you’re wondering, this is when I discovered what part of my body was burnt. The answer: the back of my hands were so red that it looked like they were painted with watercolor. That was not good.

But what was good was South Africa. The general consensus of everyone on the ship was that it was the best port yet, by far. We all had an incredible time. And that’s why I’m coming back to South Africa.

I am Coming Back to South Africa, and Here's Why: (Part Two)

Previously on Jeff’s Spendictacular Semester at Sea Extravaganza, I had just boarded my kulula.com flight from Cape Town to Johannesburg and left you with the foreboding concluding line of “And then, all of a sudden…” I did that because I needed a cliffhanger for the end of that post because these two are in ‘To Be Continued’ form, and ending it without a cliffhanger just seemed wrong. So, to repeat, nothing happened suddenly – well, at least not really. The armrest falling off was actually quite terrifying. It was then I realized that we were flying in a giant green tin can. Yes, that’s what I should do: And then, all of a sudden, I realized that I was flying in a giant green tin can. How’s that?

There was something incredibly disconcerting about the flight. The pilots joked frequently. You would think that would put you at ease, but this is what they told us shortly before take off: “In front of your seat, you will find information regarding the crash position you should assume if we encounter trouble in the air. After assuming this position, place the card back in the seat pocket in front of you and prepare to kiss your assets goodbye.” I don’t want to hear that before taking off in an airplane! No less one resembling a green tin can! I was going nuts after they said that, and they just kept right on going with the jokes, making jokes about not knowing how to fly the plane or that they’re going to land us in Mozambique, or really anything that I don’t want to hear on an airplane. I didn’t like it, but what do you want from a discount airline named kulula.com?

I think this was my first experience flying on an old airplane. And I really wasn’t too thrilled that that experience came in Africa. Some of the areas we flew over were uber-desolate and largely flat. My hands were sweaty for the flight, and my face was hot again, just like it was the night before. It was warm on the plane, but when I took off my sweatshirt, it didn’t really help much. It was at this point that I began to believe that something was wrong. If my face was warm, then I might have a temperature, a fever, like my roommate just had before I left. Maybe I got it from him. I’m a mild hypochondriac (it’s hereditary) so this is what I do.

Compared to the five flights that I took in Brazil, this flight to Johannesburg was better. The amount of turbulence was much decreased. Maybe it’s the old green tin cans that makes the plane more stable. I don’t know, and don’t think that I want to. Once we arrive in Johannesburg (from here on out, I’m going to abbreviate it as Joburg, which is what the locals do) and we get into the airport, I find it to be mildly architecturally interesting. The best so far, which doesn’t say much. And it was only one small portion, too, so I’m not saying that it’s the way it is for the remainder of the airport.

They told us that we had to walk to the bus, because apparently the bus can’t drive to the terminal entrance. As we go outside, they’re doing construction, and I chalk it up to that. At this point, I’m still waiting to really see what I think Africa is. And I’m pretty sure that in order to do that, we need to leave the airport.

Once we reach the air-conditioned coach bus, we drive out of the airport – and directly by the doors that we exited about ten minutes earlier. I’m not complaining that I had to walk, I just struggle to find the logic in the actions of the bus people.

Ever since we departed the ship, we had a guide from a tour company with us, and he also took the flight with us. Now he’s on the bus with us cracking jokes. We’ve only been in South Africa for three days, and that’s insufficient time to pick up the nuances of the humor of a country. That’s why we weren’t laughing at any of his jokes and thought he was serious with everything he said. He told us stuff like the lodge just called and cancelled us, or that there’s no animals in the park we’re going to and we’ve been scammed of all our money and they’re going to leave us in the middle of the African bush with nothing but seven bottles of water and a pistol with four bullets.

But as soon as we started to pick up on what the jokes were, he moved right on to the safety precautions, and we all still thought those were jokes because the first thing he told us about was the Mozambique snake. This snake rears up and shoots venom into your eye. If you don’t thoroughly wash it out within minutes, you will be permanently blind, and these snakes are common at the lodge and park. That’s not a joke and it took us a while to figure that he moved from the jokes to the serious stuff. It was not a smooth transition.

As I’ve stated before, I’m on an Amazing Race pilgrimage. The goal for Joburg was to find the Fast Forward task from Race 7, Leg 5, which took place at the Orlando Power Station Cooling Towers, which have since been abandoned and covered head to toe in artistic graffiti. From what I’ve seen and researched, these things are near downtown Joburg, are quite large in size, and should be able to be seen from a large number of places around the city. I had my hopes high, but not too high, should I be overcome with failure and disappointment. From the moment that we got on the bus, to the moments after we were definitely beyond the city limits, I searched the horizon valiantly. And I did not locate the cooling towers. I was disappointed, but it didn’t take long for me to refocus on what I was doing – I was on my way to a safari. A safari! Who goes on safaris at my age? Nobody!

About halfway to the lodge, we pull over to a supermarket. We all look at each other which confused expressions and await a non-joking explanation from the jokey tour guide. He told us that if we want anything at the lodge that we will have to pay for it, including bottled water and snacks. So if we wanted to save a bundle of money, we’d be able to get those items here and now. I decided that I’d at least have a look around and if anything jumped out, then I’d get it.

As we were walking through, I still felt like I was looking for what I thought Africa really was. Don’t get me wrong, it was no Super Stop & Shop, but it was a supermarket with ten or twelve full aisles, as well as a very interesting deli counter. I’ve never seen meat look like that ever in my life, especially the stuff that was labeled pastrami. I’ve often wondered where pastrami comes from. I’ve even looked it up before, but I never seem to remember and it continues to be a mystery of the world to me every time I set foot in front of a deli counter.

I bought a five liter jug of fresh water and a pack of chocolate filled Oreos, which was more for kicks than anything else. Once we all loaded back on the bus, we completed the nearly three hour drive from Joburg to arrive at the Ivory Tree Game Lodge, situated just outside of the Pilanesberg Game Reserve. There’s always that awkward moment when you get off the bus with all the other wacky Americans and the staff is looking at us, and we don’t know where to go, or what to do for that matter. They told us to get everything off the bus, put it down, grab a glass of juice, and go into the lodge.

The lodge is entirely open. It looked like they had glass doors that they could swing around to enclose it, but it was very open. It’s a five star lodge, after all. I roughed it in the Amazon, I want to be pampered in a nice lodge. I sat down with my juice under a ceiling fan and waited for the cool air to remove some of the heat from my face. On the bus I had the aid of the air conditioning, but now that I was outside in the shade, I wasn’t feeling too great.

Before our first game drive (which is a phrase that never gets tired to say), we got to go to our rooms, and make sure that our backpacks made it there. The way the rooms are situated is that each room is in its own little building, about twelve feet by twenty feet. They’re small structures that only include a bedroom with two beds, and a bathroom. And there’s also a ceiling fan and a small interior air conditioning unit. I walked in, turned the fan on, turned the A/C up all the way, and lied down on the bed with a wet washcloth on my face.

It didn’t really help. But I can’t say that I didn’t try. Although, it was here that I began to figure things out and put two and two together. What did it for me was that, with as hot as I felt, I wasn’t sweating and removing the heat from me, most likely because I had no water to spare, leading me to the conclusion of dehydration. So I threw fever out the window and jumped on the dehydration bandwagon.

The first game drive (the evening game drive) rolled around at 4:30. There’s nine to a car, and just before we left, I started talking with a bunch of people and we decided to all pile in together. The nine of us were myself, McKenzie, Kim and John, Ian, Mary, Josh, Chad, and Ben. We all piled into a vehicle and drove off.

While we were all standing on the front steps of the lodge, we had difficulty finding one vehicle that was completely open, as they kept trying to have us fill one of the already partially filled cars up in front. But we eventually fought our way onto an empty vehicle. Our driver/guide was named Leon. Leon is a fun guy. Unlike other safaris that have a driver/guide and a tracker, a person who sits in the front and actually finds all the animals, we just have Leon. This was a fact that I learned after we got back and talked to the other people that went on safaris. They were shocked that we didn’t have a tracker because that’s how they found all their animals. I said we did the old-fashioned, traditional way (without the killing the game part), and they did it the new, cheating way. What fun is a safari if you find everything right away?

So we’re in the vehicles and all the other ones are around us, and the dynamic that the guides have is quite fun as well. Each vehicle has a radio and they’ll talk in Afrikaans or English, and we’ll try to pick up the English stuff, which is actually quite difficult. When you’re barreling down these roads at 50 kilometers an hour, the wind makes it difficult to hear anything. So, of the three rows of the vehicle, the back row can’t hear much of anything, and the front row’s job is to translate back as best as they can.

Having never been on a safari before, I rightly didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know how close the animals would get to us, or the rate at which we would find them, or how difficult it would be to find them, and supposedly those are things that differ from game drive to game drive. You can go out and see the Big Five in a half hour, or be out there for three hours and see absolutely nothing. For reference, the Big Five are elephant, lion, black rhino (not white rhino), leopard, and water buffalo. Those are the Big Five because when they used to be hunted on foot, those were the five most dangerous animals that you would encounter. See, this really is an educational learning experience.

A little over ten minutes into the drive, after all the vehicles have separated, we see off in the distance, literally a few kilometers away, a giraffe. I neglected to bring my glasses on the drive, but I smartly brought them on the trip with me, and resolved to have them with me for the rest of the drives. I think I saw what they thought was a giraffe. Binoculars would have been a good idea for this giraffe. Leon told us that we’d see some better ones and that we should move on.

Then, we found a giraffe that was only a few hundred meters away. I could make this giraffe out, but the zoom on my camera still captured it as a very small portion of the overall photo. We moved on, again with Leon telling us that we’d see more.

That’s when we started to find the zebras. They’re actually correctly pronounced zeb-ruh (rhymes with Debra), and not the American way of zeeb-ruh. But we all still used the American way, because that’s what we do. First we saw one zebra, then we saw a few more, and then we saw a whole dazzle of zebra, with dazzle being the term for a group of zebras. What I think is the coolest thing about zebras is the theory on why they have less flies around them than the average animal. Supposedly, the stripes create a vortex. Follow me on this one: because black absorbs heat, and white reflects it, the air moves towards the white because it’s cooler, and away from the black, which creates small convection cells all around the zebra, which also help it to cool off, and fend of flies. That’s what they say anyway. I hope it’s true, because then that would be very cool. If it’s not, then I’ll reject your reality and substitute it with my own.

What’s also fun about zebras is how the little ones find their mothers. If you pull up a picture of an average zebra that shows it from the side (go ahead, pull one up, I’ll wait for you…you got it yet?...OK, let’s move on), you’ll see that above the front legs, there’s a triangle where all the stripes converge. This pattern is different on all zebras, like a fingerprint, and is located directly at eye level of the young zebras, so that’s what they use to figure out which one is their mother.

Once we moved on from that dazzle, we found an even bigger dazzle of zebra. At this point, just about all of our photos are zebras, and we were starting to get tired of zebras. Imagine, we’re on safari in Africa for an hour, and we’re already getting tired of seeing zebras. Well, it happens.

What I was very thankful for on the drives was that as the wind blew, it helped to cool me off. I didn’t think about being hot for the entire drive, and that was a welcome relief. But, because we’re driving on dirt roads, along with the wind comes much dirt and bugs that tend to slam into your face. After three hours, you don’t look dirty, but you feel like it. It’s like having a nice, gentle sandblasting for a few hours, but it’s still worth it.

After we moved far away from the zebras, we found an elephant. I’ve seen elephants at the Bronx Zoo, and they’re impressive. When you see a wild elephant across a large stream, about fifty feet away, it’s an other worldly experience. Seeing an elephant out of a cage in its natural surroundings makes it seem much larger, and much more dangerous. Elephants can reach 24 to 30 mph when they want to get moving, but elephant attacks are less common for a couple reasons. Unlike some animals that will charge without much warning, elephants give sufficient warning. Their ears get big and they make loud sounds. If this happens, and you get out of there, the elephant will not attack. If you stick around and keep bothering it, you’re in trouble.

Leon told us one story about another vehicle that drove between a mother elephant and her child. You don’t get a warning when you do that, and mama got really angry, really quickly. Everyone escaped unscathed, but you’re supposed to know better. That vehicle was actually a private car. Because the park is open to the public (because the government wants to give the land back to the people and not have it be private), people drive through the park in their cars, like they’re going for a Sunday drive. And none of them know what they’re doing, so they really just end up being a nuisance more than anything else.

It’s always fun when we drive by the private cars and Leon mutters something dirty that I can’t type here. I would hesitate to call some of the language in the vehicle foul or dirty, and say that it was instead ‘colorful.’ But that’s all part of the experience. When you miss seeing an animal, there’s some inherence annoyance with that that needs to be expressed.

After we left the elephant, we went over to a fenced area where we could get out of the vehicle and into a structure to try to find hippos. We converged with a couple other vehicles here, too, and all the guides got out for a smoke. This would actually happen every time we took a break. And I found it infinitely fascinating.

Once we got back in the vehicles, it started to get dark, and that’s when we bring the searchlight out. This means that Leon is not only driving, but also looking for animals with a searchlight. This increases the level of difficulty tenfold, because us in the back of the vehicle have no idea what we’re doing yet.

We did see two white rhinos (not part of the Big Five) crossing the road in front of us, as well as another lonely elephant off in the distance, but that was it. It was really windy, so the sand was blowing around. Also, when we got in the vehicle, I laughed that there were blankets sitting on the seats. I didn’t need one, but I thought about it, and other people took advantage of them.

They say it doesn’t rain in the savannas of Africa. It did on our first game drive. It’s the dry season and it hasn’t rained in two weeks they say. I took care of that right quick. It’s like I’m some kind of realistic dowsing rod.

On the way back to the lodge, we found a plethora of white owls in trees. I didn’t know that owls were common in Africa, but in this part, they apparently are. Once we got back to the lodge, it was 8, and that means dinnertime. I don’t usually eat that late, I think that’s a combination of the European crowd that frequents the lodge, and the fact that the evening game drive gets back that late.

Still at this point, I’m fighting off the cold that has infiltrated itself in that had started with the sore throat. The nasal phase is starting and I’m doing what I can to fend that off. Because of our long day of travel and activity, I went to bed after dinner. I took some medicine for my cold, and put a washcloth on my face, because that had heated up again, and fell asleep rather quickly.

The morning game drives depart at 6, so our wake-up calls came at 5:30. When the bathroom has one door, two people getting ready in the morning takes longer than it should, so after I left the room, I walked down, grabbed a biscuit and a glass of juice and jumped onto the vehicle.

This morning, the throat and nose did not want to get up with me. I don’t know what kind of a monster of a cold I have, but this is like the Leviathan of colds. I’ve never had a sore throat like this in my life. I don’t understand this. Anyway, I medicated and brought a cough drop along for the ride, and just hoped that I don’t go over a bump and start choking on it.

At night it gets chilly. In the morning, just around when the sun comes up, it is downright cold, especially when we’re flying down the road at 50kmh. I didn’t use a blanket because I think I was trying to act like a tough guy. By the end of the morning drive, I think I was the only one without a blanket on, and there were five other guys in the vehicle. My first hint should have been when Leon came into the vehicle and had a heavy coat on. The guy that does this for a living would probably be the most accurate barometer.

Because our vehicle is the way it is, and don’t ask for details about that, each of the three rows rotates once from drive to drive. My row now moved to the front row, which means that we become the primary blockers of wind and dirt. Continuing the vendetta we still held from the previous day, we still didn’t want to see zebras, so we tried to avoid them as much as we could. But they were everywhere. It’s like there was one every few tens of feet. Or at least it seemed like that.

The coolest thing that we saw this game drive was the elephant crossing. We were about a hundred meters (I’m going metric) away from a pack of twenty or thirty elephants. It’s a veritable herd. A gigantic group of elephants. And you’re just going to have to wait to find out what happens from here.

TO BE CONTINUED